Drowning Memories
by fujoshisx2
Summary: Haru always enjoyed his isolation in a peaceful little town. He barely knew anyone at all but he was used to being alone. Until he met a particular firefighter- Makoto. He was charming, caring and considerate. Just when Haru thought he had found the missing part of his life, a secret and the truth of his past changed everything...


The water is alive.

The wind is alive.

The world is alive.

But I am not. Something is missing in me, something that I couldn't find.

What is it?

I have water.

I have swimming.

I have a career.

But something's missing.

Until something happened. Someone happened, that someone changed me. That someone taught me how to love.

That someone gave me life again.

...

When Nanase Haruka was taking out the frozen seafood from the freezer, he heard a blood-freezing scream.

He looked up and saw the restaurant kitchen on fire. Blazing, hot fire.

He did not hesitate to run towards the exit, only to be blocked by several falling shelves burnt down by the fire.

Haru was nothing more than an average cook. Just graduated from college and was luckily hired by a nice restaurant near his neighborhood. He had worked here for only six months, and he already had to go through this accident caused by the head cook who was too busy flirting with the customers, completely forgetting about the gas that was still switched on on the stove.

Haru took a step back, carefully covering his head of dark blue hair with a cloth and slammed his body against the exit door that seemed to be sealed shut since nobody really had to use it until now. He heard sirens from fire trucks outside the building and men hollering, apparently they were the firefighters who were trying to put down the fire and rescue the customers and staff.

Haru tried to called out with all his might, "Help!" His voice was already quiet but it was cut off by a violent cough caused by the smoke emitting from the burning fire. He grabbed on his apron and used it to cover his mouth. As his sight becomes more unclear, he started to panic. Why did it take so long for someone to find him?

He tried to remain sober while he dragged his shaky body to the entrance of the kitchen. "Please help-" he tried to yelled with his hoarse voice, coughing violently and felt the smoke entering his body through his nostrils, his mouth and ears every time he took a breath.

"Is there anyone inside?" The second Haru gave up every hope of being found, he heard a man shouting and pounding on the kitchen door loudly, which made him snap out of his dizziness for a moment.

"Help!" he called out for the last time, and doubled down because he could not feel his legs anymore. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't even feel his body anymore. No oxygen entered his lungs as his throat tightened.

He heard someone breaking down the door and shoving away the broken furniture that was in the way. The man armored in a firefighter uniform held Haru's head up and put a mask over his nose and mouth. Haru greedily breathed in the oxygen that he is given, but the sudden impact of air made Haru even dizzier than before.

"You'll be okay," the firefighter said in a gentle voice, lifting Haru up easily in his arms.

The last thing he saw before passing out was green. Two absolutely flawless pools of emerald green.

...

"Sir! Sir, are you alright?"

In a distant part of Haru's mind a familiar sound keeps calling out to him. Gentle, warm, and filled him with comfort and happiness-

I need to wake up… He is calling for me… Haru thought.

"Sir!"

"Wha..." Haru opened his eyes and shot up, his mind cleared all in a sudden. He remembered the fire, how he got trapped, how he escaped because of a firefighter with enchanting green eyes.

And the second he woke up he found himself in an awkward position.

A pair of strong and muscular arms are wrapped around his body, and his felt a weird sensation on his lips.

He was being kissed. Or, to put it this way, he accidentally kissed someone.

He quickly shoved away the stranger who was holding him and was met with two pools of emerald green. Also very, very flushed cheeks.

"Uh...sorry," the firefighter said, looking embarrassed. "I thought you lost consciousness and had to give you a CPR and I didn't realize that you are-"

"It's ok," Haru said in his usual calm voice though he was really embarrassed inside. "It was my fault. Sorry."

They sat together for a few seconds in awkwardness, tension thick in the air. Then the firefighter said, "Well, the ambulance is there and I suggest you to do some checkups in the hospital. You know, just in case."

"Yes, I think I should," Haru said, still avoiding looking at his life saver. He dusted off himself and stood up, only to be on the edge of falling down again. His legs were weak and couldn't really even move. Forcing himself to stand was really big impact to his physical health.

"Be careful," the firefighter quickly caught Haru's fragile body in his arms and helped him to stand.

"...I know it sounds weird but," Haru hesitated for a moment and asked, "Can I have your name?"

The firefighter was dumbfounded. "Excuse me?"

"So I can...perhaps...visit you and bring something to show my...gratitude," Haru feels his cheeks burning. He never talked much, let alone to a complete stranger. But there was a sense of warmth that Haru found in him. A sense of familiarity. A sense of comfort.

"Sure," the firefighter smiled. It was a very warm smile, and made Haru's heart skip a beat.

"My name is Tachibana Makoto," he said. "What's yours?"

"I am Nanase," Haru said without turning back. "Nanase Haruka."

...

Haru found himself wondering why he found that firefighter so interesting as he was in the waiting line in the local hospital.

The town he lived in was a small village near the sea, with a beautiful scenery and a low population. He enjoyed living there, swimming in the vast and seemingly unlimited ocean, and cooking in the restaurant he worked in. Nothing had really got him caught up in his whole life.

But…

Tachibana Makoto.

Haru could not get him out of his mind. Those warm eyes of captivating emerald color, that smile that somehow seems comforting and that face. That face which hold those beautiful features. For the first time, he thought that someone was worth his attention.

Haru thought of the incident that happened no longer than an hour ago and blushed ever so slightly. They kissed. They kind of did, anyway, but that was still his first kiss. And Haru still felt the phantom of Makoto's warm and loving lips on his. He shook his head around, trying to get that image out of his head.

He was crushed on.

He did his checkup and left immediately after the doctor informed him that he was alright, and that the smoke did not do any damage to his body. After a twenty minute walk, he arrived at his house, a small Japanese style building that he had lived in since he was a child.

He really needed some alone time to think about what happened today. Too much had occurred and he could not take it all at once.

Tachibana Makoto.

He lay down on his bed with his eyes opened.

Tachibana Makoto.

He thought about his eyes again. They were green; not his favorite color, but close enough. Close enough to make him recall them over and over again.

Tachibana Makoto.

He fell asleep as his eyelids grew heavier.

...

Because of the fire, the restaurant Haru worked at had to close for awhile until the owner got it fixed. Haru could therefore enjoy a rare holiday for about a month until he was called back to work.

He found a recipe of a cake online and decided to bake one for Makoto in order to show his thankfulness. Desserts were usually not his thing, but he reckons that anyone would like them.

He went to the supermarket and bought the ingredients. After making the dough, Haru watched the cake grew bigger and bigger inside the over, unable to hide the excitement inside him.

Then something hit him. Hard.

He did not know where Makoto worked. Or lived. Or anything about him except for his name.

Wait. Haru thought to himself. Makoto is a firefighter, so he must be working in some fire station in the city. So he searched for all the fire stations in Tokyo through the Internet; turned out there were ten of them.

But when Haru set his mind to it, he was going to do it no matter what. He copied each address on a scrap of paper and decided that he would not give up until he found Makoto in Tokyo today.

After the cake was fully baked, Haru carefully placed it in a glass container and then put it inside his messenger bag, ready for a trip to the city.

He stared out the windows on the train, realizing how long it had been since he last paid a visit to Tokyo. He did not enjoy the liveliness and preferred the quietness of the countryside. Again, he did not talk much at all.

Tokyo was at its usual state. Crowded, noisy. With cars and vehicles rushing along the roads, people yelling, music bustling. Haru closed his eyes for a moment, trying to block out all the unwanted noise by imagining he was still alone at the beach in front of his home. Unbothered and isolated.

He visited the first fire station, and asked if there was a man called Tachibana Makoto who worked there. They all shook their heads, and again when Haru asked if anyone knew him at all.

Nothing helped at all until he went to the fifth one, where the department head told him that they used to be colleagues but Makoto was transferred somewhere else. Haru thanked him and was slightly relieved that Makoto was not his imagination after all.

He was real and alive, and he was out there somewhere to be found.

It was almost dusk when Haru dragged his tired body to the eighth one. They told him that there was no one named Tachibana Makoto who worked there. Haru sighed and left in disappointment yet again.

He sat at an empty park and looked at his phone. 10:32pm. He had been walking for twelve hours straight. The train station was closed and it was dark. He did not know where to go.

Just as he was pondering his next move, a voice in the pitch darkness startled him.

"Nanase Haruka?!"

He looked up, but could not see who was calling him. He held up his phone and saw the greenness he had missed for two days.

"Ma…Makoto," he stammered.

"What are you doing here all alone?" Makoto asked in concern. "And in this cold- you don't even have a decent coat on!"

"It's ok," Haru said. But obviously, it was a lie. It was a November night, and he had never expected Tokyo to be so cold.

"Here," Makoto took off his trench coat and wrapped Haru's torso with it. "Do you have any place to stay?"

"…no," Haru admitted, hanging his head a little.

"Then why are you here?" Makoto asked. "You should be resting after that fire. I took a day off today too."

"I…I just want to…" Haru took out the glass container. "I wanted to look for you and give you this."

Makoto took the container and opened it. The cake melted and was squashed entirely. All Haru's hard work in the daytime had transformed into a mess. Haru sighed and was a bit scared. Will he like it?

"I'm sorry…it's really stupid of me to not think of what could happen to the cake if I brought it with me all day," Haru said in shame, not daring to look at his companion.

But Makoto only gave him that warm smile.

"Thank you."

Haru raised his head and found Makoto looking into his eyes. "I appreciate it, very much," Makoto said, patting Haru on his head and ruffled his hair like he is a little kid.

Haru was glad that they were in the dark, and that nobody could see the crimsons on his cheeks or his shy expression that moment when Makoto showed that kindness to him.

...

"Make yourself at home," Makoto said as he gestured Haru to come inside his flat. It was small, but enough for two and really cozy. Haru suddenly realized how tired he had been through this whole day.

"Sorry for causing so much trouble," Haru said apologetically.

"It's nothing," Makoto grinned at him. "I'm glad to have you here. It sometimes grows a bit lonely with only myself in this house you know."

Haru felt his cheeks burning again, so he ever so slightly turned away from Makoto, pretending to look around.

"I can lend you some clothes if you want," Makoto offered.

"Yes, thank you," Haru said, still not looking at him.

"I'll go inside to set up the guest room for you. Feel free to walk around," Makoto said. "If that makes you more comfortable."

Haru only nodded at him and watched as he disappeared in the narrow hallway.

Makoto's home symbolizes its owner; bright, warm, and overwhelmed with greenness. The living room was pained in light green, reminding Haru of Makoto's beautiful eyes that made his heart pound as if it was going to jump out of his throat just by thinking about them. The round oak table was in front of the tiny kitchen, a several photo frames were placed on it neatly. Haru could not help but to pick them up.

The first photo captured a young boy with brown hair with a man and a woman. Haru thought that they are probably Makoto and his parents. The young boy has green eyes just like Makoto's.

The second photo contained four people. Four middle school boys in their swimsuits. One has blue hair, one has red, one has yellow, and the last one was Makoto himself. Haru found the other people strangely familiar.

The third photo was presumably taken in Makoto's high school years, where all four of the boys in the previous photo along with another boy with glasses stood in front of a pool, hugging each other's shoulders.

What the-

When Haru wanted to take a better look at the boys in the photo, he heard a door closing and footsteps. He had to put the frames back to the table before Makoto noticed.

"So," Makoto said. "Do you want to take a shower first? You must be wasted; taking a hot bath would help."

"Yeah, sure," Haru answered. "Thanks."

He heard Makoto helping him to run the bath in the bathroom, while he sat on the sofa to ponder why those four faces seem so familiar to him. Like he had seen them before.

But it's impossible, Haru thought. I only met Makoto two days ago, it's impossible that I know him.

There seemed to be a part of his memory that he just could not recall.

"Haru?" Makoto shouted from the bathroom. "I ran you a bath."

Haru.

This is weird.

Haru.

Only his closest friends called him by that nickname.

A strange feeling stirred inside Haru's heart.

Haru went to the bathroom and saw Makoto bending down by the tub. A stream of hot water was running, white steam filled the room.

"Why do you know?"

"Know what?" Makoto looked confused.

"That my nickname is Haru."

Makoto stared at him curiously, and stood up. "I don't understand."

"You called me Haru, like twenty seconds ago" Haru said stubbornly.

Makoto remained quiet for awhile. "I just thought that since your name is Haruka, it may be normal to call you Haru. You know, as a nickname."

"You are a terrible liar," Haru sighed.

Makoto closed his eyes slowly and buried his face in both of his palms. "Look, just take a bath, okay? You will feel better afterwards."

Makoto left him with a tub of hot water and some spare clothes in the bathroom without saying another word. Haru was somewhat nervous that he may have accidentally angered Makoto in some way.

As he took off his clothes and slipped into the tub, he thought about asking Makoto about the pictures on the table. It may help him understand something. Something that he did not even remember.

His mind was a total mess; like a raging storm on an ocean.

...

Haru was not awake until ten in the morning; four hours late from his usual schedule. He walked out of the guest room, yawning and stretching his arms. It took him almost a full minute to remember that he was in someone else's home.

Being away from home was a foreign feeling to him, for he rarely ever was.

"Good morning," Makoto greeted him by the table in the living room. "Did you sleep well?"

"Quite well," Haru said while rubbing his eyes.

"Are you cold?" Makoto asked. "Let me turn on the temperature of the heater. Breakfast is already on the table. Just take whatever you want."

Haru glanced at the table; a typical Japanese breakfast set was placed on it. "Sorry for all the trouble…Tachibana-san." He called him that on purpose, not wanting to sound too familiar with him.

"It's no big deal. And please, just call me Makoto," Makoto gave him a small smile and answered.

Haru sat down and picked up the chopsticks, beginning to eat the freshly cooked mackerel made by Makoto. It tasted good, and reminded him of his old habit when he was younger; eating fish only day and night.

He could not help but to smile a bit to himself.

"Today's weather is very nice," Makoto said to him. "Do you want to go for a walk together?"

"Sure," Haru answered. "I've never been in Tokyo for ages."

"Is that so?" Makoto said. "Then you will be amazed of how much the city has changed through these years."

Haru put on a fur jacket Makoto had kindly lent him, and slipped into his old boots that he wore to Tokyo yesterday morning.

The weather was indeed decent enough for a short walk. The snow had stopped and the roads were being cleared, leaving a long path for leisure strolls for the two.

The air was still cold and Haru could see the white mist coming out of his mouth as he took a deep breath. Rubbing both of his hands to keep himself warm, he wrapped himself entirely in the oversized jacket.

"Here," Makoto said, taking off his scarf. "I'm not that cold, really; you can have this."

"No, no thank you," Haru said. "I'm alright." And shivered slightly.

"Sure?"

"You've done so much for me already," Haru admitted. "I will be ashamed of myself if I ever demanded more from you. I mean, you are too kind of a stranger to me."

Makoto stopped walking. "Yeah, a stranger, I guess," he muttered to himself.

"Huh?" What did he mean?

"Nothing."

They continued walking. Haru did not know where they were heading and to be honest, he did not really care. As long as he was with Makoto, the one with those calming green eyes…

Why was he so attracted to this stranger that he barely knows?

It was just three days and they were already acting like they had known each other for their whole lives. As if they had been close for a really long time, and maybe they were even something more than that-

Haru shook his head. What am I thinking about-

The first glimpse of sunshine still lingered on the skyline, leaving an orange shade that lit up the sky. There were no clouds at all, and there was only blue.

His favorite color.

"Is there somewhere you'd like to visit, perhaps?" Makoto asked suddenly. "Maybe a place you've lived in before?"

"I lived here as a child, so I don't actually recall anything," Haru replied.

"Nothing at all?"

"Yes, I guess."

"What a shame," Makoto's shoulders dropped.. "I was hoping that you could reconnect with your memories through visiting those places again."

Maybe it was just his imagination, but Haru heard some bitterness in Makoto's ever so cheerful tone.

And then someone broke the silence under the blue sky. Yet again.

"Haru-chan! Mako-chan!"

Haru and Makoto both turned, only to be greeted by the sight of two men. One with golden blond hair, and one with bright blue hair.

"Haru-chan! I missed you so much!" the blond hair boy rushed towards them and hugged Haru out of the blue. Haru was startled for a second.

"Nagisa-kun! Please let go of him!" the other man called out, reaching out his hands in attempt to stop Nagisa. "He is-"

"I thought you would never remember us anymore Haru-chan!" Nagisa, now teary-eyed and cheeks glinted with red, rubbed his head on Haru's shoulder firmly and told him. "I'm so, so, so happy to have you back again! Isn't it, Rei-chan? Aren't you glad too?"

"Nagisa," Makoto said calmly. "You have to let go first, okay?"

Nagisa quickly let go, but still stared at Haru with those huge, adorable eyes and a big grin on his face.

"I apologize, Makoto-senpai, we will leave at once," Rei said, taking Nagisa's hand in his. He swiftly passed the road and pulled Nagisa along despite of his strong opposition.

"Let go of me, Rei-chan! I wanna talk to Haru-chan! Let go!"

Haru just looked at Makoto in confusion. "Who are those two people?"

"They must have mistaken you as another…old friend of ours," Makoto answered hesitantly. "It's nothing."

"But they apparently know my name. The blond one named Nagisa called me 'Haru-chan', right?" Haru said. "And they took that photo with you."

"What photo?" Makoto tilted his head.

"The one on your table," Haru answered.

Makoto looked like he did not know what to do or say, so he just sighed. Haru kept looking at him in anticipation, expecting a proper answer from him.

"Look, Haru…I…" Makoto stuttered, scratching his head. "I don't know how to explain it to you."

"Then try."

"I…" Makoto closed his eyes. "I will, I promise I will explain it all. But not now."

"But why?"

"I know you feel frustrated," Makoto said. "But please, can't we just enjoy our walk for awhile? Especially when the weather is so nice today."

Haru thought for a moment. "Only if you promise that you will tell me."

"I will, eventually."

The awkward silence lingered for a couple of minutes. Hidden secrets, unrevealed truth and the eagerness of understanding had all worked up together to create an uncomfortable atmosphere. Haru looked away from his current companion and stared into the flat surface of whiteness, as if the answer was just laying there, waiting to be seen.

Then it was snowing all in a sudden again, swirling down in great flurries over the silent town, purposefully filling foot shaped imprints in the crisp, bitter snow. Christmas was almost here. The streets were full of couples with entwined hands, walking along the shops.

"We should probably head back," Makoto suggested, putting on a winter hat and handing another one to Haru. "Before it gets too cold."

"Thanks," Haru muttered, putting on the hat and hiding half of his face into Makoto's brown trench coat.

"At this rate you won't be able to head back to your home, I guess," Makoto said. "If it snows, the train station will be closed."

"It's okay, I can get a hotel room or something."

"No, it's not like I don't want you here, but…" Makoto said, looking a bit embarrassed.

"But what?"

"Nothing," Makoto turned back and started walking. Haru followed right behind him, wondering what was making Makoto so troubled. Why can't he tell me? Haru felt a slight pain in his heart. Why am I feeling like this?

...

They started seeing each other.

Not by necessity, but by choice.

They did not just visit each other's house, they did something more than that.

Like holding hands.

Like hugging each other in the cold.

Like kissing.

Like things only couples would do.

Neither of them knew when this started, but something kind of happened after Makoto escorted Haru to the train station after his first visit to Tokyo in years.

"Do you have the ticket?"

"Yes."

"Have you left anything at my home?"

"No."

"Sure?"

"Makoto."

"Alright, alright," Makoto said, smiling. "Just checking with you."

"I'm capable of taking care of myself, thank you," Haru said sarcastically.

"For most of the time, yes, you can," Makoto said with a playful smile.

The train was a bit delayed due to the heavy snow recently. While the two waited at the station, neither of them spoke any words but the mood somehow seem to be comfortable and not tense.

"I guess I still owe you a proper apology," Haru broke the silence.

"For what?"

"For…you know, kissing you. I swear, I didn't mean it."

"I don't mind at all," Makoto said, laughing a bit. Although his warm smile is still on his face, a hint of sadness showed in his green eyes.

"Really?"

"Really," Makoto said, and added, "To be honest with you, I kind of liked it."

Haru was dumbfounded. "Like it?"

"Yeah."

"Then… would you mind if I kiss you again?"

Before Makoto could reply, Haru caught him off guard by pulling his head down and kissed him.

Their lips were locked for a moment with nothing to disturb them but the pure white snow falling from the evening sky.

Haru broke off and looked downwards, blushing slightly at his own outright actions. "Sorry, I don't know what has gone into my mind."

Makoto was still quite shocked from Haru's sudden movement, but he said as the train slowly approached the station. "I'll see you again, right?"

And they did. For countless times.

Haru thought that he had finally found his missing part. This part just have to be fit into his life and he'll be complete again.

...

A year had slowly passed. And winter arrived again.

It was still snowing outside as if it was going to snow forever.

Haru was sitting on the sofa beside the windows, staring at the emptiness of the snow.

"The weather report said that it will be snowing like this for about a week," Makoto said while watching the television.

"Hmm."

"And the train station is still closed."

"I see."

"And every public transportation has stopped all services."

"Makoto, be honest with me, do you want me to leave?" Haru suddenly asked.

"What? Of course not!" Makoto exclaimed, obviously surprised by this abrupt question.

"If you don't want me to leave then tell me the truth.. You promised me a year ago, didn't you."

"What truth?"

"You know exactly what I'm talking about," Haru said.

"It's not the right time-"

"I have waited for a year, but it's never the right time to you! How long do you think I could wait?"

Haru raised his voice, leaving the tension lingering between them.

"Haru…"

"If you refuse to tell me, I'll seek for the truth by myself."

Haru stood up and shoved Makoto out of his way as he ran into the guest room, which has turned into his bedroom as he had spent so much time with Makoto.

"Haru, where are you going?"

"I know where I could find it."

Accompanied by a slam and footsteps, Nanase Haruka disappeared in the streets without a trace.

It was still snowing.

Haru's coat was hanging behind the bedroom door.

"Oh god…"

Makoto grabbed his bag, put on his jacket, and ran outside his door as if he was on a rescue mission as a firefighter.

"Haru!" he called out as he ran along the steep road. "Haru!"

People on the streets were turning their heads at Makoto, giving him curious stares and murmuring amongst themselves. But Makoto did not care; Haru was all he cared about.

Where could he be?

Makoto thought of all the possibilities in his mind, but he could not think clearly. The fear of losing Haru again was too much for him to bear.

He was always the 'sunshine boy' who everybody automatically assumed had no troubles, no worries and no sadness. But the truth is, he wore more scars than anybody else did.

Like the time when he was rejected. Rejected by the only love in his life.

Nanase Haruka.

The one that brought him all the smiles, all the frowns, all the tears and all the laughter in his entire life.

Nanase Haruka.

Makoto could not lose him ever again or he'll break.

Nanase Haruka.

His love for water, his love for swimming, his passion and dream, was all that Makoto had adored and cherished.

Water.

Water.

Ocean.

And all in a sudden Makoto knew where Haru was.

...

Haru was standing alone by the seashore. The sun was at its brightest time as it was about to set.

All the clouds merge together to form a beautiful scenery of purple, orange, red and blue. Accompanied by the falling snowflakes, the picture was all together perfect. An ironical contradiction to Haru's emotions.

He felt betrayed. All along he had longed for the truth, but the only ones with the key to it had kept his mouth sealed.

Why couldn't Makoto just tell him? Wasn't a year enough to prove that Haru was trustworthy? Or is he still doubting him? I thought that he knew my feelings for him, we are lovers right? Aren't lovers supposed to tell each other all their deepest secrets? Didn't Makoto know that a relationship is based on trust?

Haru took a deep breath and released the hot air into his freezing palms. It was definitely a wrong move to just run away without wearing something warmer.

"Haru!"

Someone called his name.

He turned. Nobody was behind him. He was completely isolated on the beach.

"Harurka-senpai!"

There in the ocean were five boys. One with brown hair, one with blue hair, one with red hair and one with blond hair.

"Come play with us! Aren't you bored standing there alone?" the red-haired boy yelled excitedly at Haru.

The four boys were all in their swim trunks, but it was winter, and it was snowing. Shouldn't these boys be frozen by now?

"Yeah, come on, Haru!" the brown hair boy with green eyes said to him, and gave him a big grin.

Before Haru realized what he was doing, he took off his shoes and walked towards the ocean.

"Walk faster, Haru-chan!" the blond said. "Swimming isn't the same without you."

Haru took off his shirt, leaving his upper body naked.

"Haru!"

A stronger voice called him from behind, but Haru ignored it.

He walked into the sea, unmoved by the chillness of it surrounding him entirely. He sunk his body inside and dived in.

"Haru!"

...

"Haru…I…"

"Sorry, Makoto. I like Rin and you know that."

"I understand. But…couldn't you just give me a chance?"

"…Sorry."

...

"Do you know that Rin is with Sousuke now?"

"Yes."

"Why can't you give up on him?"

"…"

...

"You were hit on the head when you dived into the ocean, which caused a serious case of amnesia. You will not recall anything that happened after the age of sixteen, and you may forget some people whom you knew before."

"Will I ever recover?

"To be honest with you, it really depends."

...

"Rin, I like you."

"Haru, this isn't gonna change anything."

...

"Haru! Let's join the swim club together!"

"Why should I."

"You love swimming, don't you? We'll be having lots of fun swimming together!"

...

"Congratulations on winning the Nationals."

"You, too."

"I guess this means we are going our separate ways from now on, isn't it?"

...

"Even if you do not like me, I still love you."

...

"…hear me? Haru! Wake up!"

Haru felt his lips being crushed on quite harshly, feeling a blast of oxygen inside his mouth. He sat up and coughed out a mouthful of water.

"Are you ok?" Makoto asked him frantically.

"Ma…koto."

"Were you crazy? My heart almost stopped beating when I saw you walk into the ocean!" Makoto said and held him close, crying on his shoulder.

"…what happened just now."

"You walked right into the freezing cold ocean, half naked, and I saw you because I knew that you would go to an ocean, and I had to dive into the water to save you, and give you a real CPR," Makoto said, panting. "What were you thinking, for god's sake?"

"I remember now," Haru said calmly.

"What?"

"Who I am, who you are," Haru replied, realizing that Makoto had given him his fur coat to himself to keep him warm. "I remember Nagisa and Rei."

Makoto said nothing.

Haru tried to remember more of his missing memories. His head started to hurt. "Ugh..." Haru groaned. The pain was starting to get worse. He collapsed on to the snow-coated sand and held his head.

Makoto quickly knelt down beside him. "Are you okay, Haru?" he asked in concern.

Those eyes. That brown hair. That voice. That optimistic aura around him. That hand... Everything that made him fell in love with his friend. His memory about that period was hazy. He tried so hard to forget it. He couldn't remember what happened. A picture of himself drowning, then disappearing. The cries for help. A pair of strong arms pulling him to the surface…

Those were Makoto's arms.

"Makoto, you saved my life…twice," Haru said with a weak smile.

"I'll get you to the hospital now," Makoto took out his phone to call for an ambulance, while Haru closed his eyes slowly and drifted off into darkness.

...

Haru found himself on a bed with white sheets. A tube was attached to his right arm, dripping medication into his blood veins. Makoto was asleep on a chair beside him, his upper body laying on the bed and arms beneath his head.

He was still sore from the madness he had just encountered, and the flashbacks were hurting his head so bad. He was soon picking up bits of his past life, the parts which was missing.

Makoto was his best friend. Makoto had a crush on him. He rejected Makoto.

All because he loved Rin more.

Or so he thought.

Haru thought of the past year he had spent alone with the man beside him. How Makoto treated him with care, with kindness, with sincere.

And, perhaps, with love.

Haru could not help but to look at Makoto, reaching out to smoothen his messy brown hair. He had done so much for him; it took two accidents and an experience of amnesia for him to realize that.

He was a complete fool.

Makoto groaned in his sleep, and raised up his head. "Haru! You are awake!" he exclaimed.

"I am," Haru said, cheeks reddening as he drew back his hand.

"Well, since I know for sure you are alright now, I'd better leave you in peace and let the doctors do the checkups for you," Makoto said, ready to stand up.

"Makoto, please wait," Haru stopped him by grabbing his hand. "I have something to tell you."

"I'm all ears."

Haru hesitated. "Um…" He stuttered. "I realized that the one I was in love with all long was you."

Makoto just looked at him. "Haru, you almost drowned just now. You don't know what you are talking about."

"I know what I am talking about," Haru replied. "In fact, I don't know if there has ever been a time in my life when I am so sure about something. I love you. Now and then."

Makoto shook his head. "No, you don't. You love Rin. You told me before. Don't say such words out of pity for me! You are just hurting me even more!"

"If I didn't love you I wouldn't spend the past year with you."

"You weren't yourself back then. You had amnesia. The real you loves Rin, not me. The real you rejected me. The real you thinks that I am just a friend who will always be with you. Your best friend."

"That was the past."

"And also the present," Makoto said bitterly. "I should go now."

Before Haru could do anything to stop him, Makoto left him in the empty hospital ward.

...

A month had passed quickly.

Everyone was indeed thrilled by the news of Haru's recovery. His old friends threw him a huge party, which he usually did not appreciate, but reluctantly accepted as they were all genuinely happy for him. Makoto was of course invited, but he never showed up.

"Hey, Haru! Long time no see!" Rin greeted him with a back on the back. It was true; to reduce chances of any further damages, Haru's parents asked all of his friends to avoid contact with him until he recovered, trying as much as they could to protect their son.

"Hello, Rin," Haru said. He did not feel the way he used to feel when he was around the red-haired man.

"How are you feeling?"

"Quite well. I remembered a lot of things, which was some kind of a progress."

"Glad to hear that," Rin said.

"Where's Makoto?"

"Said he gotta work."

"Oh." Haru tried to hide his disappointment.

Makoto had moved away from his old flat and had not made the effort to contact Haru ever since he left the hospital. Haru tried asking Nagisa and Rei of Makoto's whereabouts, but they would not tell him no matter how many times he asked.

"We are really sorry, Haruka-senpai," Rei said apologetically. "We really want to tell you, but Makoto-senpai strictly told us not to."

"Mako-chan is just being shy!" Nagisa said with a grin.

Haru was worried about Makoto, and he could not get him out of his mind.

After he had his memories back, Haru decided to move back to the city, where all of his friends lived. He sometimes visited Nagisa and Rei', who apparently had already been dating for years since their graduation.

They are the lucky ones. Haru thought. They are the people who are brave enough to show their feelings to each other.

He wished he had that kind of courage to convince Makoto to believe in him.

On Haru's fiftieth day without Makoto, he started going out more. He walked on the streets and imagined that Makoto was just standing beside a lamppost, waiting for Haru.

Makoto had found him too many times; it is his time to find him.

Sometimes he saw a person about the same height with Makoto and with the similar hair color, he stopped them, but was disappointed to find out that he was not Makoto, not even close.

He started seeing Makoto everywhere.

Makoto walking down the road, Makoto shopping in a supermarket, Makoto eating lunch at a local restaurant.

He was getting desperate, why did he avoid him? Does he hate him now? Maybe he doesn't want to see me.

Just like the water he liked so much, Makoto filled his entire world.

...

"Haruka-senpai, you are still searching for Makoto-senpai?" Rei sound rather surprised after Haru told him his failure of finding Makoto.

"You two are like playing hide-and-seek!" Nagisa added in his usual spirit. "Except that Mako-chan has been hiding for three months already!"

"I don't exactly understand why he is hiding from me," Haru said, picking at the food on his plate.

"You don't?" Rei asked.

"Do I look like I do?"

"Well, Haruka-senpai, I don't mean to sound like I'm insulting you, but…" Rei adjusted his glasses. "You are too blind!"

Haru was invited to the two's house for dinner, and he was not expecting this kind of conversation.

"Rei-chan," Nagisa shook his finger in front of Rei, scolding him with a mouthful of food. "It's not nice to call people blind! Haru-chan is not blind! Not at all!"

"It's just a metaphor, Nagisa-kun," Rei sighed.

"Oh? Really?"

"Anyway," Rei turned back to Haru in a more serious manner. "You don't see it, don't you, Haruka-senpai?"

"See what?"

"That," Rei announced proudly. "Makoto-senpai thought that you will still choose Rin-senpai over him!"

"Wh…"

"Let me finish," Rei interrupted him. "Makoto-senpai is always a considerate person; sometimes too considerate. Being your best friend and your admirer, he must have thought of every possibility for you first and put himself last. You told him all those years ago that you only loved Rin-senpai, so Makoto-senpai took your words for it and stepped out of your life. He didn't want to tell you your past before because he is afraid that he would have to disappear in your life again. He still loves you more than you think, Haruka-senpai; and I don't think you know that. Because who you love is who you set-"

"Free," Haru said. Nagisa chuckled.

"Mako-chan gave you your freedom because he likes you very very much, Haru-chan!"

After listening to Rei and Nagisa's lecture, Haru thought that he might had understood something that he should had years ago.

Nagisa insisted that he would escort Haru out after they had finished their meal, and refused to let Rei come along.

"Here," Nagisa said, glancing around to make sure no one was eavesdropping on them, and handed Haru a scrap of paper. "This is Mako-chan's new address. Don't tell Rei or he will be very mad at me!"

Haru looked at the piece of paper and smiled. "Thank you, Nagisa."

"Find Mako-chan and end your hide-and-seek game already! I miss having everyone around together!"

"I will, Nagisa," Haru said. "I promise."

...

Haru was standing in front of a four story building, uncertain about his next move.

He gathered his courage the second day he received Makoto's address and had arrived there at seven in the morning sharp, when Makoto was usually awake. Haru stood there and waited, not even moving a bit, and the snow covered him as if he was a statue.

He waited.

And waited.

And waited.

Until it was dark and nobody ever came out of that building.

He looked at his watch. It was already eleven.

But he remained there and continued waiting for his love.

Finally a shadow appeared from across the street, which belonged to a person with light brown hair and bright green eyes.

That could only be Makoto, who had made the effort to move across the city in order to make Haru happy, and did not know that since a long time ago, he himself was the source of happiness for Haru.

"Makoto."

He saw him.

He ran towards him.

He wrapped his arms around him.

"I love you."

And Haru felt like Makoto had saved his life for the third time.


End file.
